Week 5

There's no week four as I was on an holiday, so I'll go straight to week five.

Arrrghh! I have gained weight. This morning 70.3 kg. I forgot to weigh myself yesterday but I don't think it was anything better. Last week was a lot of fun, I ate a lot simply because I was on a holiday but I'm finding it difficult to go back to 'dietmode' again now that I am back.

I'm keeping this post short, just don't feel like typing or writing.

Bad, Bad, Bad yet I'm happy

Bad:

I stopped counting calories. I know exactly what I can eat and what I shouldn't be touching. As long as I keep going like this it should be fine. At the moment my intake is inbetween the 1500-2000 calories. Just what I need. I'm feeling happy and healthy and I don't want to restrict myself to anything. I just need to eat healthy and keep that going instead of not eating enough. I will loose weight eventually if I keep on walking to work experience, exercising every now and stay away from bad snacks. It'll go slow but I won't restrict myself to a so called 'crash' diet.

Happy:

I know I shouldn't have done this but I got on the weighing scale this morning. I gained some weight. Of course it is all muscle seeing as I don't snack anymore (besides last weekend ha!). It was disapointing but I got to loose weight in little steps. Also when I started I measured my waist; 88 cm. The waist of a healthy woman needs to be under 80 cm. I measured myself again this morning; 79 cm! So even though I have gained weight, my body is getting into shape.

Happy:

Another thing I am proud of is that I have done a good deed today, which has got nothing to do with me loosing weight at all. When I walk to work experience I pass this guy every single morning playing the accordion. He plays it very well and frankly, he lightens up my day. So when I went to my grandparents place yesterday, I left with money (as old people do, when you visit you'll leave feeling full and fat because of the food and your pockets are filled with money as well). I decided that I would give a tenner to this guy. I wrote a little note as well, thanking him for what he is doing. I put everyting in an envelope and I'd put it in his bag when I walked by this morning. Seeing as I'm going on a holiday tomorrow for over a week I won't be walking past him for a while. I wonder how he will react the first time he sees me again.

Bad:

So that brings me to the next subject, I won't be able to weigh myself until I get back from my holiday. We're going skiing with the family so as long as I'm not eating to much I should be loosing weight. We'll see what happens. I'm afraid it will be a little bit of a weird holiday. My uncle (equivalent to my father) has been fired last week. Even though he just got his job. It's not that he is not doing his job well. You see, the company asked him to become a part of the family to improve the structure in the company. It was very promising and they literally begged him to become a part. He quit his other job, which he had a good contract for and started about 6-7 maybe 8 months ago at Microsoft in the Netherlands. Besides the fact that it was really hard for him to step in properly, because there are so many things that needed improvement, he had been placed into a more ICT branch of the company; which he had no experience with. They didn't improve other things within the company, which in turn started clashing with what my uncle was been hired for. So last week he was been told that they didn't need him afterall because they weren't going to improve the other aspects of the company. Or in other words you can pack your stuff and leave. Fucking bastards. That just makes me angry, but then again that's the real world. We live in uncertainty now. We don't know how long my uncle will be paid for, or how soon he'll be able to get another job. Plus he hired a lawyer to help him with this case. Expensive shit really. Unfortunately, that's going to have a certain impact on our family holiday of course.

Pffffff.....

Week 3: Fighting Discipline!

Start: 6th of March: Tuesday morning: 69,1 kg.

I have had such a rough weekend. I have been eating like an absolute pig. I should be ashamed of myself, but I'm not. For some reason I don't feel that bad for eating all the bad things I did (chocolate easter eggs, not one but 10 or so. I finished a whole pack (210 gr) of M&M's with 36 gr containing 179 calories, I had chocolate sprinkles on my bread, and I didn't eat one slice, no I ate at least 4-5, and the list just continues). I probably don't feel that bad because I know I am starting today where I finished last week; eating healthy again. This is the first time I have a 'breakdown' and I'm able to get myself up again whereas previously I would've given up after I caved in. Now I haven't. Okay what I did was wrong, very wrong but I will continue and I'm O.K. with the fact I won't always be able to stay strong. Staying strong to me means having ups and downs but knowing how to get myself up after a down again and don't give in/up entirely.

The only thing I am ashamed about is that it'll probably take me an extra week to get to my new goal. Plus the fact that I haven't been able to stay under the 1500 calories AT ALL. I find it so hard to stay disciplined. Also the rewards I linked with my goals so far don't mean that much anymore. They are all about food and I let myself have a snack once I've reached my goal. But seeing as I also have a snack when I cave in isn't really rewarding anymore. I think I should change my goals to more material things; buying clothes for example is better.

Tuesday: 1650 Calories - 300 Cal walking
Wednesday: 1685 Calories - 300 Cal walking - 400 cal jogging
Thursday: 2000 Calories - 300 Cal Walking
Friday: 1940 - 300 cal walking
Saterday: 10000000 Calories (didn't count)
Sunday: 1000000 Calories (didn't count)
Monday: 1830 Calories -250 walking - 350 Gym

More or less a disapointment when I got on the scale. I didn't gain anything nor did I loose it. Still 69.1 kg. I need to discipline myself! I CAN DO THIS!

Goddamnit I'm hungry

Oh this is so unbelievably difficult! I have been counting calories every day and I have set up some goals for each week. I think I'm going to change my goal for this week which initially was 1200 (actually way too less and not even healthy anymore) but frankly I haven't been able to stay under the 1200 calories. In fact I've gone over the 1500 the last two days. So 1500 it will be today, tomorrow and the rest of week 3. Besides that I had my breakfast this morning while I was in a bit of a hurry. I just got to work experience and I am already so hungry it's ridiculous. I haven't had this before. Most of the time I get hungry around 11ish. That's when I have a little snack. So instead I'm drinking a sh*tload of tea at the moment.

I will be going to the gym tonight and even though I couldv'e gone last night I didn't. I had a nice evening in all by myself. Lately I haven't been able to spend time just by myself. So I turned on the music, started singing, dancing, I had put on a movie, etc. So nice and relaxing.

I guess that if I walk every day and go to the gym at least once, preferably twice-three times a week I'll still be doing great exercise-wise. I'm not going crazy about it and in combination with eating healthy and a little less I'll still be loosing weight. I do realise that the lighter I get the longer it'll take before another kg has left this body. The fact I already lost 2.5 in such a short time is just lucky. I just need to make sure I loose body fat and no muscles. I just wonder when the first time we'll be that someone notices that I actually lost some weight.

Inspirational

Goals

I have set up some goals for myself as a kind of motivation to keep on losing weight.

I haven't bought any clothes recently because I thought it wasn't worth the money, and frankly because I didn't want to give in to the fact I needed new clothes because my old clothes didn't fit me anymore. Even though I FRICKING LOVE clothes. It is good for my wallet, saving me up to E75,- a month but about a month or two ago I said to myself that I wasn't allowed to by myself anything until I reached the 65 kg again. Meaning that I can save up E75,- each month. That also means I still have 4 kg to go. 4 kg is a lot, and that's why I want to set myself some goals to go for the 65 and even less.

69: Allow myself some pancakes

68: Go out with friends and have a hot chocolate with whipped cream and alcohol.

67: Have a caramel filled waffle straight of the market, the ones I like!

66:

65: BUY ALL THE CLOTHES!!!!! (have a Me, Myself and I day; go shopping by myself, do my own nails, do my hair nicely, etc).

64:

63:

62: Go out for diner (to be more specific; this particular Greek restaurant).

This is the way to keep the fun of it still alive. It doesn't matter that when I have a hot chocolate it will take me longer to reach my next goal. Because it is important to LIVE, by doing fun things and things I like and enjoy. Also this will make it easier for me to reach my next goal mentally: because my goals are fun!

I couldn't think of that many goals yet. But I'll update and re-post them once I thought of something new!

Smile

This picture makes me smile everytime I see it.

It actually makes me feel happy, because HE makes me happy!

Tip of the day: fluids please!

Just found something interesting on the internet, which I more or less already knew about but I never really thought of properly.

They say you should drink more than often, because your body needs the fluids. But it also helps when you want to eat less without being hungry. This is because you body is confused about whether it is being thirsty or being hungry (!!!!). So in other words: you think you are hungry but in fact your body asks for water.

So the tip is: Grab a glass of water first! When you are still hungry after half an hour you can consider grabbing a healthy snack.

Before I started losing weight I hardly ever drank anything. When I did I had a glass of water so it wasn't that difficult for me to leave the coke or pepsi or sprite aside. I just hardly drank. Instead I went for a twix or marsbar. I've been watching my weight for almost two weeks now and I drink a lot of tea. With a lot I mean 5-6-7 cups of tea a day and water during lunch and diner. I feel so much fuller now I do that. It's amazing! Yet so obvious and stupid I'd never thought of it before.

Week 2: Fighting cravings

Start: 28nd of Februari: Tuesday morning: 70.4 kg.

Okay, my target for this week was <1500 calories. Yet I have sinned on wednesday and saterday. It was my mothers birthday on wednesday; 29th of February. A special day it is since it only can be celebrated once every four years. I had a cake and a nice birthday diner at my Uncle and Aunts house to celebrate: reason enough for me to eat a bit more isn't it? Last saterday one of my friends was giving a birthday party as well. I left the cake on the side but I did have a proper meal in the evening. I don't want to miss out on the fun things just because I am on a diet. We went out that night, to go clubbing. I didn't drink any alcohol just water, to compensate the 'birthday-diet' idea.

I have to say that it was really difficult for me mentally not to grab any snacks. I had some friends coming over on friday night and I had to buy them some sweets. Having to stand in front of all those sweets and crisps was hell for me. But I was determined not to eat them myself, WHICH, I didn't. I also noticed that I'm on my weakest when I have got cravings. Most of the time just before diner, when I'm either preparing my diner or half an hour in advance. I especially bought a bag of carrots to eat. It does help! They are low in calories, eating them is satisfying; I can actually crunch them. Plus I eat less during diner. This is good because I tend to eat a lot during diner because I am hungry. And it means that I have food left for another day. Or in other words: So much win

Tuesday: 1470 Cal - 300 cal (walking)
Wednesday: 1980 Cal -200 cal (walking)
Thursday: 1345 Cal -200 cal (walking)
Friday: 1275 Cal -200 cal (walking)
Saterday: 1825 Cal -300 cal (gym)
Sunday: 1600 cal -300 cal (household)
Monday: 1500 cal -500 cal (gym)

I was so unbelievably scared to get on the scale this morning. What if I hardly lost anything? I would be so disapointed if I would get on the scale to see that all the hard work didn't pay off. But it DID! I lost 1.3 kg, meaning that I weigh 69.1 kg at the moment.

Besides that I am happy about another thing, I went to the gym last night and went for a 20 minute run. I haven't been able to do so for such a long time. I used to play hockey and I was able to play a hockey game (an hour) on full speed. When I first started running again I couldn't even do 5 minutes of running. I'm so proud of myself!

So when it comes to the point that I hardly loose any weight I'll just remind myself of the fact I am getting fitter and healthier, which is my main reason I want to loose weight. It's not about the kg's, it's about my health!

My new target for this week is 1200 cal a day. It'll be more than difficult, seeing as I've got a special thing going on tonight and we'll be eating pancakes. Besides that I'm seeing my boyfriend during the weekend. I'm going to his house because I haven't been there for weeks now and his mum always prepares the most delicious food ever (plus one meal prepared by her contains about a 1000 calories I guess). I feel bad just to thank her for it and not eating it. She's a wonderful lady, very kind and understanding, but when it comes to loosing weight she's not the kind of person that understands and respects someone for trying. She'll probably think I'm crazy and will stuff the food up my mouth. *Sigh*. We'll see how it goes.