Breasts magically falling off

I haven't posted anything for a while now. I really should be ashamed. But I'm not. So many things have happened over the past couple of years that I didn't feel like blogging, nor visiting my blog because of my lasts posts that reminded me of my ex. Things have changed though. I don't even know where to start.

So lets start at the beginning. About two years ago I got back from England. Had the most amazing summer ever in France with one of my male English friends. My boyfriend came by during the summer holiday as well. You could say that drama started from here on. He broke up with me, left and I never saw him again. I didn't just lose my boyfriend, I then lost my best friend as well. He was my buddy and he never planned to get in touch with me ever again. Don't ask me to explain why, I understand and that's the most important thing for now. I've come to terms with it.

I started Uni in Holland. I was and still am following a Graphic Design course. Been despressed for a really long time, but saying I was is easy because the term gets used too often nowadays. So I'll try to put it in different words: I didn't see the point of living anymore. Until I met someone. Someone I didn't expect to be together with for almost a year now. During that year I've had my ups and downs, which in any way is a good thing. Rather than just the downs I had before I met him. I have lost my female best friend as well. Things had changed between us and she thought it was time to quite the awkwardness of us meeting, etc. Anyway this is absolutely not why I started this blog. I feel like I should give a proper update rather than just jumping into the subject and leaving everything else that has happened on the side. Since I got back from England I gained 10 kilograms (1st 8lb). At first I didn't care, one or two pounds didn't matter. After a while I started thinking that it would be just as easy to lose those pounds as I got them. Untrue. I have tried to lose weight several times. By eating healthy and less. The problem is that I'm a monster when it comes to food.

I love food. Bad or healthy, I desire it. I don't just want some of it, I want all of it. Cravings remain untamed. Even if I have had two packs of crisps, a chocolate bar, supper, desert etc. I will take the opportunity to snatch anything that crosses my path. I always have been bigger and heavier than other women around me. Not because I am 'fat', just to put it bluntly, but because I have had very large breasts. And yes you are reading that correctly: I have HAD! I have had my breasts reduced last summer. For physical reasons. Simply because I couldn't live with them anymore. I had severe back and neck pains, a lot of head aches, physical exercise was a hell, actually, there was no physical exercise because I simply couldn't do any excercise at all. At that time I lost 1,5 kg (3.3lb), all of it being fat/tissue from my breasts. So after my surgery I have been very carefull about them. I was allowed to exersice intesively after 6 weeks again and I have been going to the gym ever since but intense training wasn't mentally possible. I was so happy with my 'new breasts' that I was scared of harming breast tissue etc.

On top of that I started work experience at a Graphic Design Bureau a couple of weeks ago. Meaning that I was going to sit on my arse all day. That's when I started to notice that something really was wrong. I realised that in those two years I had gained so much that I was just a plump of fat. How on earth was I able to let it get so far?! So that I why I started this blog. As a kind of motivation towards myself to actually lose those kg's and st's again. It will be hard and I know this out of experience, because I have already tried before. But this time I'm dead serious about it. I don't want to be skinny, I want to be healthy and I want to FEEL healthy again. I'm determined to share my ups and downs with you, even though I will be ashamed of my downs. I'll keep up a diary of what I've eaten all day, or when I've exercised (I started working out properly about a week/week and a half ago, I am not scared to damage anything anymore and I know that when I'm running my breasts won't magically fall off), and the rest that comes with it.

About a week ago I changed my habbits. I started to walk to work experience (40-45 min walk) and every now and then I walked back as well. Depending on whether time and my schedule would allow me to. I exercised more frequently, ate less etc. When I started I weighed 71.9 kg (11st 3.6lb) and I would like to go back to the 62 (9st 10.7lb) I used to weigh when I still had big breasts. I checked my BMI today for the first time, 26, I officially can be called obese. I'm just on the verge though. 0.5 kg less and I'm in the green zone again rather that in the red zone. Even though it says that I still need to lose weight. The green zone goes all the way from 53 kg (8st 4.8lb) to 70 kg (11st 0.3lb) so 62 kg is right in the middle; healthy. Tomorrow morning will be the first day I'm allowed back on the weighing scale after a week. Hope I have lost at least 1 kg. That is my quest for the upcoming weeks; 0.5 to 1 kg a week, which is a healthy way of losing weight. No crash diets!