'Hello, Goodbye'

A few days ago I was watching this Dutch television program that is called 'Hello, Goodbye'. People at the airport are being interviewed and some stories can get quite emotional, while others are fun to watch.


This woman was being interviewed and it started off as a basic simple story that didn't seem interesting. In the end I felt quite addressed. This woman was telling how she was waiting for her son who had been together with his 'girlfiend' for over seven years and they got married a week before and they were about to get back from there honeymoon. That was why she was at the airport, she was waiting for them to arrive so she could pick them up. Normal story isn't it?


But wait...there's more...the interviewer then asked her what the marriage was like. She told him it was very emotional, especially because her sons father (her ex-husband) had died two years previously and it was very hard for her son to deal with the fact that his father couldn't be there on 'the big day'. That made me realise that whenever I get married in the futur, or whenever I get pregnant and get kids.... No one, but I mean no one will be there to celebrate it with me. My mother died on my 12th birthday so when I get married I won't be able to see the tears in her eyes of happyness when I tell her the big news. Nor will she be there for me when my kids take their first steps like both my grandmother and mother were there when I took my first steps.

For all the big life changing events I'll have to do it on my own. Yes I have got other family members that care about me. The only ones I care about are my grandparents but they are 84 and 85 at the moment so by the time I'll have kids they'll be gone as well. You know what. It hurts, quite bad. I wan't to be proud and show my proudness to my mother. Sometimes I believe that she is looking down on me or at least looking over my shoulder but at other times I think this is just complete bullshit. She really isn't here anymore and if she is around I won't know until I die myself.

So I got a solution to this story; don't find a cute husband, don't get married and don't get kids. Can we just forward to the age of 92 so I can die soon please?