'Hello, Goodbye'

A few days ago I was watching this Dutch television program that is called 'Hello, Goodbye'. People at the airport are being interviewed and some stories can get quite emotional, while others are fun to watch.


This woman was being interviewed and it started off as a basic simple story that didn't seem interesting. In the end I felt quite addressed. This woman was telling how she was waiting for her son who had been together with his 'girlfiend' for over seven years and they got married a week before and they were about to get back from there honeymoon. That was why she was at the airport, she was waiting for them to arrive so she could pick them up. Normal story isn't it?


But wait...there's more...the interviewer then asked her what the marriage was like. She told him it was very emotional, especially because her sons father (her ex-husband) had died two years previously and it was very hard for her son to deal with the fact that his father couldn't be there on 'the big day'. That made me realise that whenever I get married in the futur, or whenever I get pregnant and get kids.... No one, but I mean no one will be there to celebrate it with me. My mother died on my 12th birthday so when I get married I won't be able to see the tears in her eyes of happyness when I tell her the big news. Nor will she be there for me when my kids take their first steps like both my grandmother and mother were there when I took my first steps.

For all the big life changing events I'll have to do it on my own. Yes I have got other family members that care about me. The only ones I care about are my grandparents but they are 84 and 85 at the moment so by the time I'll have kids they'll be gone as well. You know what. It hurts, quite bad. I wan't to be proud and show my proudness to my mother. Sometimes I believe that she is looking down on me or at least looking over my shoulder but at other times I think this is just complete bullshit. She really isn't here anymore and if she is around I won't know until I die myself.

So I got a solution to this story; don't find a cute husband, don't get married and don't get kids. Can we just forward to the age of 92 so I can die soon please?

Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt (yeah right?)
Dance as if no one where watching

Laugh when you can, apologise when you should, and let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything and have no regrets

I can't believe that I let this get to me that much. It's just one big chaos inside my head. I don't know what to do I'm just way too confused about everything. I don't know what to do with myself that's the biggest problem I guess. I love music, I've always loved to listen to every kind of genre. Somehow, and I can't help it, I pick up lines from the lyrics during the song, even if I'm not properly listening and it just makes me think about everything. The weirdest thing is, it can be metal, r&b, hiphop, electronic/dance, rock, 1920's Burt Bacharach shit, I still pick up stupid lines. Sometimes even complete songs, RIDICULOUS ain't it?

-His lips, his lips, I could kiss all day if he would let me. His laugh, his laugh, he hates but I think it's so sexy.
-Love is letting go, and this I know.
-I could shape your mind, but why waste time, my dear.
-Seen my soul walk away, as I lay down to sleep on a bed, made of thorns and the heat, made me run the confusion ahead. And i sleep, try and dream.
-Angel oh Angel eyes, darling I love you. Angel oh Angel eyes, darling I'll be holding you tonight.
-What once was, now is gone
-I hold on, always will
-Looked out my window, just the other night. I was looking for your light, shine for me one last time....Bright
-Say you'll never give your heart away again.
-I'd rather be lonely
-Sorry you put your trust in others and they let you down
-Cried yourself to sleep so many nights saying to yourself never again
-I can't take back the decision that I made to love
-I remember the break up and the condition that my heart was in
-There's nothing that time can't heal
-Can we pretend that airplanes in the nightsky are shooting star, I could really use a wish right now
-I will not leave a letter, nothing at all, I'm sure you won't notice that I'm even gone
-I'm sorry, for the times that I made you scream, for the times that I killed your dreams, for the times that I made your whole world rumble.
-I'm nobody's wife!
-It's too bad, but that's me
-Lately my whole aim is to maintain
-Anyone who ever loved, could look at me, and know that I love you. Anyone who ever dreamt, could look at me, and know I dream of you.
-So, anyone who had a heart would take me in his arms and love me to, you, couldn't really have a heart, and hurt me like you hurt me and be so untrue. What am I to do?
-Live the life so endlessly
-I tried to heal your broken heart with all that I could
-How do I live, without the ones I love?
-I know the drill, you got your ball and chain
-Lately Ì've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own, everybody has their private world, where they can be alone
-Love for sale
-Why don't you love me?
-It's a silent murder, it's a grave that sings your song. It's quite failure, it's the one that makes you strong.
-I am heading down, a long, empty road
-Wish I was too dead to care

-In the brighest hour, of my darkest day, I realise what is wrong with me. Can't get over you, can't get through to you. It's been a helterskelter romance from the start!

-Because days, come and go, but my feelings for you are forever!



That's from about 40 songs already, and I've got about 6000 songs on my laptop, can you imagine the hell I must go through???