I like 'em

"HEY, WHO STOLE MY...nevermind i found it."
I trusted you. my mistake.
Hi spider, nice spider, let me pet you ... with my shoe ...good spider
sleeping with one leg in the covers and one leg out to balance the hot /cold...
Akon's poor attempt at describing the girl without being disrespectful
Trying To Tell My Parents A Funny Story ... And It Turns Into A Life Lesson
Fake hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake boobs......Girl, are you sure you weren't made in China?
Don't EVER break a pinky promise. That stuff is LEGIT.
Frozen Computer...maybe if I click EVERYWHERE it will start working again..

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
If girls have period pains, guys should be kicked in the balls once a month
Doing the 'uh oh' dance listening to Crazy in Love by Beyonce
Awkward eye contact with people in cars next to you at red lights
I saw the 'typing' icon for like 5 minutes on chat. you said 'ok'. WTH
i love when you text me first, cus then i know your thinking about me:)
"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."- Kurt Cobain
There's only so much I can say back to 'Lol'
"Tastes like shit!" "How do you know how shit tastes like?!" O.o
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
I'm a female, sorry if when we fight I stay upset b/c you blew up on me then you want to forget about it.
mom can i get this? "no, blah blah blah blah blah." okay i asked a you question not a lecture.
Making weird noises when you stretch.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?
I always peek out of my 3-D glasses, just to see the difference.

saying " shit my phones going to die "( & then continue to use your phone & then get pissed off when it dies )
Finding out something about someone, and never looking at them the same.
I don't really have a type. I just know what I like when I see it.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold my purse."
Computer $900. Internet subscription $20. Facebook $0. Keeping you busy with this stupid message: PRICELESS.
Guessing the time correctly without looking and feeling like god.
You are epic and beautiful
that feeling you get when you have an insanely good comeback.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
when your mom starts a lecture ..you hear the first 2 words then u start daydreaming all you start hearing blah blah blah
Not wanting to go to bed at night time... Not wanting to get out in the morning (:
Hey Cupid can you shoot both of us next time? Thanks.
F A C E B O O K is the only place where it's acceptable to talk to a wall.
To me, you're perfect.
Making sex noises while eating something REALLY good.