Am I a Believer?

As usual I was thinking again, but this time it was a conversation I had with a good friend yesterday, which gave rise to my thoughts. We were talking about Religion, which was in contrast with the topic we spoke about five minutes before that: sex.

She is a believer, she is Christian and she believes in a God. But still, she is the most extrovert person I know and is not ashamed to speak about what should not be mentioned. If you ask her about her sex life, she will give you every single detail. If you ask her about anything else 'bad', she will admit that she smokes, not only cigarettes but drugs as well, and that she is addicted to men.

She finds herself happy, with parents that love her, a lovely sister, and two little brothers that take care of each other, just like a happy family is supposed to be. They have enough money to buy the world, or at least what they really need (and more). If God really exists, shouldn't he be punishing her, for her bad deeds; having sex before marriage (with several men) and everything else she is doing? Why is she happy? Why is my life different from hers, while I live with different and 'better' standards such as: not going to bed with every single guy?

She also told me that she does believe that Jesus got up out of his 'grave' to be there for the other people and to help them, but she doesn't believe that God punishes people according to what is right and wrong. To me, punishing people seems to be more logical, if you make a mistake, and something bad happens you can say: it was God punishing me, but you can't trace back whether Jesus did get up or not.

Besides this she told me she had some doubts about her Christianity as well, she explained this by saying: 'You can believe in God, and follow his instruction, doing what he wants you to do; helping other people, be a good person by not thinking about yourself, only others, but then you don't dwell on it, or think about it properly. You do good deeds for others by putting yourself in second place; because that's when you go to heaven. You don't have to worry about it anymore because you already won a place in heaven. The people who are real believers, are the people who have their doubts. They dwell on the thoughts, they stand still and take their moments to think about it. Sometimes when you have to make a big decision, or sometimes when it comes out of nowhere'.

I don't believe that God rules the world, I don't believe 'someone' made this place, I don't believe Jesus got up out of his 'grave', I don't believe someone decides what is wrong or right, or that someone punishes for the mistakes committed. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even when they are unexplanable. But I do stand still every now and then to think about it, and even I have got some doubts because sometimes there aren't any other explanations (yet).

Does that make me a believer?