Best Friend

They say that true friendship lasts forever. That really makes me have my doubts about me and my best friend. I personally feel as if I would do anything for her. That I would go to the end of the world for her but she isn't prepared to do the same thing. Whenever we meet up we always meet up at her house, because she's hungover and can't go out. Because she had a great time the night before and didn't invite me 'cause she needs to spend time with this group of other people. So when I do see her it's in the hours she can't do anything else anyway scared of vomiting of collapsing. So as a good friend I go to hers. It's not nice though when I have to make all the effort.

She never has any money to go out and do fun stuff with me, like go out for a meal or go and see a film. She does have money to go out and spend it on a ridiculous amount of alcohol and even drugs (yes Holland get over it) every single weekend. Besides that she's taking a year off, meaning more partying, seeing me less, spending more money on other stuff and having me around even more when she feels like shit. So that's what I'm good for? So you can complain to someone when you're feeling shitty because your parents don't listen to you anymore?

I've been trying to get over this problem for months and maybe even a year now. When I left for England we were the biggest buddies ever, we though the same about everything. Now I'm back I just don't feel we're getting on like we should. Whenever we see each other she's always talking about herself, every now and then (but only when I've got big news like a break up or a big fight) she lets me speak for 5 or 10 minutes. Other than that I have to put up with crazy stories about how drunk she got this time and what she did with guys or what kind of drug she had taken.

Will be continued...

Pebbles

I've started my Graphic Design course at Uni a couple of days ago. I was in one of my English lessons today (which is easy peasy to me) and we had to make a descriptive piece. We had to think about a certain place and mentally settle ourselves there. I don't know why I'd chosen this setting but this was my little story:

Whilst looking down I cannot only see the tip of my toes and feet resting on pebbles and little rocks, I can also see the water flowing by. I remember the sound of an orchestra playing in the background, though it is just the sound of the flowing water. No real instruments used, just the sound of nature. It can't be avoided to notice an arm being lifted and gently tucking one of the pebbles into the water from which I cannot decide what colour it actually is.
As soon as a pebble touches the surface of the water, the water seems to age by the second. Little wrinkles appear in circles around the sinking pebble, flowing away from its target unil it reaches my feet and it is being pushed back again by the little brown and white coloured pebbles. Leaving changing shadows on the water, blue, dark blue, green maybe? Once dissolved my attention goes to the colour of my feet which blend in perfectly with the colours of the pebbles. The bright nail varnish on the toe nails don't suit this peaceful atmosphere, though this strange contradiction portrays a beautiful image, as if it were to be a picture.

Oh wait, I forgot, it is a picture.

To you this story might not mean anything but it wasn't until I was finished writing when I realised what I had actually written about. When I was little I always went to this place, underneath a tree, with my mother. We'd drove for about half an hour to get there and this place officially became my favourite place. It was so peaceful and quiet. Unfortunately after my mother died I'd never went back there, not because I didn't want to but because I don't know where it is. I can't find that exact tree and it would make it even more special when I would be able to find that one special tree. You might think, well what has a tree got to do with pebbles and water. Basically this tree was about one or two meters away from a big river. The river that sounded like an orchestra to me. Those little pebbles and rocks are actually the pebbles and rocks that I'd used to sit on when I visited that tree, as they were lying underneath it. One day I'll find this tree, one day!

Break Up

Wow. I wanted to write a blog earlier but time just didn't allow me. I have got no words for this at all. I don't know how to describe the feelings I am experiencing. Life is no Nintendo game, nor anything like COD. It burns, it stings. My first thought; It stings like hell. And it does. It's been a week now, or two? I don't even know I've been trying to push it away but that's not the right thing to do. Love the way you lie by Eminem and Rihanna is playing on the background, I'm not even listening to the lyrics but the music describes what I am feeling. I'm feeling hopeless, I don't know what to do. Life is pointless and it's true. The first couple of days have been the most difficult. I went on an introduction week last week for my new Uni, Graphic Design Utrecht, and I started to forget about it. I'm drawing at the moment, it's an assignment for my Uni and all of a sudden it hits me. It is hitting me hard. It's kicking against my brain, my heart. It feels as if my heart has shattered and the pieces are piercing through my lungs and limbs and skin. Trying to poke out. I never expected it to end like this. Never, never did I hope it would end like this. I miss you, I miss you so much, I don't know what to do, I want to change your mind, It's your life, not mine, I can't make your decisions, wish I could, I can't though. My thoughts are forming itself in just a really long random rant.

To make it a bit clearer, this is what happened:

I left my boyfriend for Holland. I've lived in Holland until my 15th. I then moved to England because I used to live with my uncle and aunt and my uncle got a better job there. After a year and a half they moved back to Holland but I decided to finish my school in England because I had only one year left. I did. I'm glad I did. After living with 40 people in a Boarding house at School I met Ben. Benjaming Christopher Stokes. A little bit younger than I am. A lovely guy, boy, guy, boy. Doesn't matter. It's such a stupid thing to say because everyone uses the words, but I wish I could turn back time. That we never started talking. That I never lost a friend over him. Oh Molly, Oh dear. You see, she liked him as well, she liked everyone though. So I figured she wouldn't make a big deal out of Ben and I going out. She did, I lost a friend, a crazy ass wacko friend...Just the kind of people I like. The kind of people I get on with because they are just like me. But she's not like me, she's unique, she's crazy. In a negative way... You see how confused I am? I don't even know whether to like her or not anymore.

Anyway back to my story. I've had eight great months together with Ben. I'm in love with him, and he was in love with me. But I was going back to Holland. We both knew that, oh why didn't we end it straight away, no oh why did we try it at all? We made a hell of a lot of promises; 'we'll always tell each other what we think, no matter what' was one of them, which were the awful words that led to us breaking up. Summer holiday came. I worked for four whole weeks, I worked my arse off so I would have some extra pocket money. Ben was coming over after my own holiday to France and I really needed the money to be able to take him out. After all, he had never been to Holland. So France came and went, I had a great time with another English friend. Ben came and went as well........

The day he arrived we went to Amsterdam, I showed him all the 'funny' corners and I realised how much I had actually missed him. We went to the Zoo the day after, and that's when I found out what was really going on. He was being awfully quiet so when reminding him of our little promise he replied using the words; "I don't know whether I still love you or not". We cried in the Zoo whilst having lunch. We had to survive for another couple of days together so we decided to make the best out of it. I cried myself asleep that night. Since then my heart has cried and cried, I don't think it has ever stopped. Something weird happened though, it wasn't a normal break up (besides the fact he was in Holland I couldn't be with him because it was hurting to much). The next day we had decided to climb a big tower in my city. It took me a bit long to get dressed and do my make-up and I found him hanging on my couch crying his eyes out. When I asked him why he was crying he said: 'Because I still love you'. That's what makes it so hard for me. I love this guy to death, and he says he loves me to. He just doesn't wants to be together with someone who he can't see for a very long time because I'm in Holland and he's in England.

So that was the reason he broke up with me. TRUE LOVES WINS doesn't it? It just posses so many unanswered questions, thing's I can't or don't dare to ask him. Why?

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not

My illusion, my mistake

I was careless, I forgot

I did

And now when all is done

There is nothing to say

You have gone and so effortlessly

You have won

You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof top

Write it on the sky love

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard

Falling for betrayal is worst

Broken trust and broken hearts

I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there

Building faith on love is worst

Empty promises will wear

I know (i know)

And know when all is gone

There is nothing to say

And if you're done with embarrassing me

On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof top

Write it on the sky love

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof top

Write it on the sky love

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy (i was happy)

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did...

I like 'em

"HEY, WHO STOLE MY...nevermind i found it."
I trusted you. my mistake.
Hi spider, nice spider, let me pet you ... with my shoe ...good spider
sleeping with one leg in the covers and one leg out to balance the hot /cold...
Akon's poor attempt at describing the girl without being disrespectful
Trying To Tell My Parents A Funny Story ... And It Turns Into A Life Lesson
Fake hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake boobs......Girl, are you sure you weren't made in China?
Don't EVER break a pinky promise. That stuff is LEGIT.
Frozen Computer...maybe if I click EVERYWHERE it will start working again..

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
If girls have period pains, guys should be kicked in the balls once a month
Doing the 'uh oh' dance listening to Crazy in Love by Beyonce
Awkward eye contact with people in cars next to you at red lights
I saw the 'typing' icon for like 5 minutes on chat. you said 'ok'. WTH
i love when you text me first, cus then i know your thinking about me:)
"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."- Kurt Cobain
There's only so much I can say back to 'Lol'
"Tastes like shit!" "How do you know how shit tastes like?!" O.o
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
I'm a female, sorry if when we fight I stay upset b/c you blew up on me then you want to forget about it.
mom can i get this? "no, blah blah blah blah blah." okay i asked a you question not a lecture.
Making weird noises when you stretch.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?
I always peek out of my 3-D glasses, just to see the difference.

saying " shit my phones going to die "( & then continue to use your phone & then get pissed off when it dies )
Finding out something about someone, and never looking at them the same.
I don't really have a type. I just know what I like when I see it.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold my purse."
Computer $900. Internet subscription $20. Facebook $0. Keeping you busy with this stupid message: PRICELESS.
Guessing the time correctly without looking and feeling like god.
You are epic and beautiful
that feeling you get when you have an insanely good comeback.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
when your mom starts a lecture ..you hear the first 2 words then u start daydreaming all you start hearing blah blah blah
Not wanting to go to bed at night time... Not wanting to get out in the morning (:
Hey Cupid can you shoot both of us next time? Thanks.
F A C E B O O K is the only place where it's acceptable to talk to a wall.
To me, you're perfect.
Making sex noises while eating something REALLY good.

Avenged Sevenfold - Scream FUNNY

Amazing Video - Looping around

Please Click on the video to watch it in a normal screen on YouTube!