It's like you don't see me,
Like you don't want me to be,
Standing next to you,
Pretending like you don't have a clue.
You know that I'm here,
But it's like you don't want to hear,
My shout for attention,
Like I'm living in another dimension.
I'm fighting this,
Harder than before,
Trying to get my head around,
Not to fall in love anymore.
I have secrets you may never see,
Kept deep inside of my heart,
Far away where no one can be,
Trying to get in, you must be hard.
Look into my eyes,
They are filled with lies,
But they won't lie to you,
'Cause you are too good to be true.
Sunday, 19 July 2009
Sunday, 21 June 2009
Am I a Believer?
As usual I was thinking again, but this time it was a conversation I had with a good friend yesterday, which gave rise to my thoughts. We were talking about Religion, which was in contrast with the topic we spoke about five minutes before that: sex.
She is a believer, she is Christian and she believes in a God. But still, she is the most extrovert person I know and is not ashamed to speak about what should not be mentioned. If you ask her about her sex life, she will give you every single detail. If you ask her about anything else 'bad', she will admit that she smokes, not only cigarettes but drugs as well, and that she is addicted to men.
She finds herself happy, with parents that love her, a lovely sister, and two little brothers that take care of each other, just like a happy family is supposed to be. They have enough money to buy the world, or at least what they really need (and more). If God really exists, shouldn't he be punishing her, for her bad deeds; having sex before marriage (with several men) and everything else she is doing? Why is she happy? Why is my life different from hers, while I live with different and 'better' standards such as: not going to bed with every single guy?
She also told me that she does believe that Jesus got up out of his 'grave' to be there for the other people and to help them, but she doesn't believe that God punishes people according to what is right and wrong. To me, punishing people seems to be more logical, if you make a mistake, and something bad happens you can say: it was God punishing me, but you can't trace back whether Jesus did get up or not.
Besides this she told me she had some doubts about her Christianity as well, she explained this by saying: 'You can believe in God, and follow his instruction, doing what he wants you to do; helping other people, be a good person by not thinking about yourself, only others, but then you don't dwell on it, or think about it properly. You do good deeds for others by putting yourself in second place; because that's when you go to heaven. You don't have to worry about it anymore because you already won a place in heaven. The people who are real believers, are the people who have their doubts. They dwell on the thoughts, they stand still and take their moments to think about it. Sometimes when you have to make a big decision, or sometimes when it comes out of nowhere'.
I don't believe that God rules the world, I don't believe 'someone' made this place, I don't believe Jesus got up out of his 'grave', I don't believe someone decides what is wrong or right, or that someone punishes for the mistakes committed. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even when they are unexplanable. But I do stand still every now and then to think about it, and even I have got some doubts because sometimes there aren't any other explanations (yet).
Does that make me a believer?
She is a believer, she is Christian and she believes in a God. But still, she is the most extrovert person I know and is not ashamed to speak about what should not be mentioned. If you ask her about her sex life, she will give you every single detail. If you ask her about anything else 'bad', she will admit that she smokes, not only cigarettes but drugs as well, and that she is addicted to men.
She finds herself happy, with parents that love her, a lovely sister, and two little brothers that take care of each other, just like a happy family is supposed to be. They have enough money to buy the world, or at least what they really need (and more). If God really exists, shouldn't he be punishing her, for her bad deeds; having sex before marriage (with several men) and everything else she is doing? Why is she happy? Why is my life different from hers, while I live with different and 'better' standards such as: not going to bed with every single guy?
She also told me that she does believe that Jesus got up out of his 'grave' to be there for the other people and to help them, but she doesn't believe that God punishes people according to what is right and wrong. To me, punishing people seems to be more logical, if you make a mistake, and something bad happens you can say: it was God punishing me, but you can't trace back whether Jesus did get up or not.
Besides this she told me she had some doubts about her Christianity as well, she explained this by saying: 'You can believe in God, and follow his instruction, doing what he wants you to do; helping other people, be a good person by not thinking about yourself, only others, but then you don't dwell on it, or think about it properly. You do good deeds for others by putting yourself in second place; because that's when you go to heaven. You don't have to worry about it anymore because you already won a place in heaven. The people who are real believers, are the people who have their doubts. They dwell on the thoughts, they stand still and take their moments to think about it. Sometimes when you have to make a big decision, or sometimes when it comes out of nowhere'.
I don't believe that God rules the world, I don't believe 'someone' made this place, I don't believe Jesus got up out of his 'grave', I don't believe someone decides what is wrong or right, or that someone punishes for the mistakes committed. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even when they are unexplanable. But I do stand still every now and then to think about it, and even I have got some doubts because sometimes there aren't any other explanations (yet).
Does that make me a believer?
Sunday, 14 June 2009
Friendship
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Saturday, 6 June 2009
Standard things about me
Name: Alicia
Nickname: Ali, Aal, Aaltje, Appleflap, Pancake, Monster, Terrorist, The crazy one, Wacky Fuck, etc. etc.
Date of birth: 18/12/1991
Constellation: Sagittarius
School: Reed's
City or countryside: Inbetween
Pets: Dog
Favourite colour: Turquoise
Favourite food: Greek salad
Most disgusting food: combination fish and mustard
Which mobile: Nokia 3
Sun or snow: sun
Sea or swimmingpool: Sea
Summer holiday or christmas holiday: Summer holiday
In love? Yes
With who: with my new boyfriend, Benjamin
Do you believe in love on first sight: Love on first sight really is just sexual attraction, so yes.
Do you remember your first kiss: Ohhh yes baby...
Sweetest and most pleasant person you know: My best friend, Lisa
Most beautiful moment in your life: When I first met my best friend
Most romantic moment in your life: When I was watching a romantic film..hahaha
What is lying under your bed: school stuff
Do you sleep with cuddle toys: Nop.
Which colour are your walls: white
What is your addiction: liquorice
Favourite ice cream: caramel, or Ben and Jerry's
What do you spend the most money on: clothes
Who was the last person you saw: my uncle and aunt
Who was the last person you spoke to: my uncle and aunt
Messenger or texts: messenger
Cat or dog: dog
Simple or complicated: complicated
Cry or laugh: Crying my eyes out because it is so funny
Shy or spontaneous: a mixture
Sweet or stupid: sweet
Going out or staying at home: going out
Alcohol or cola: alcohol
Smoke or not? not
What was your first thought when you got up this morning: What's that bloody noise? Oh, it's my bloody alarm telling me to get up...Frick!
Nickname: Ali, Aal, Aaltje, Appleflap, Pancake, Monster, Terrorist, The crazy one, Wacky Fuck, etc. etc.
Date of birth: 18/12/1991
Constellation: Sagittarius
School: Reed's
City or countryside: Inbetween
Pets: Dog
Favourite colour: Turquoise
Favourite food: Greek salad
Most disgusting food: combination fish and mustard
Which mobile: Nokia 3
Sun or snow: sun
Sea or swimmingpool: Sea
Summer holiday or christmas holiday: Summer holiday
In love? Yes
With who: with my new boyfriend, Benjamin
Do you believe in love on first sight: Love on first sight really is just sexual attraction, so yes.
Do you remember your first kiss: Ohhh yes baby...
Sweetest and most pleasant person you know: My best friend, Lisa
Most beautiful moment in your life: When I first met my best friend
Most romantic moment in your life: When I was watching a romantic film..hahaha
What is lying under your bed: school stuff
Do you sleep with cuddle toys: Nop.
Which colour are your walls: white
What is your addiction: liquorice
Favourite ice cream: caramel, or Ben and Jerry's
What do you spend the most money on: clothes
Who was the last person you saw: my uncle and aunt
Who was the last person you spoke to: my uncle and aunt
Messenger or texts: messenger
Cat or dog: dog
Simple or complicated: complicated
Cry or laugh: Crying my eyes out because it is so funny
Shy or spontaneous: a mixture
Sweet or stupid: sweet
Going out or staying at home: going out
Alcohol or cola: alcohol
Smoke or not? not
What was your first thought when you got up this morning: What's that bloody noise? Oh, it's my bloody alarm telling me to get up...Frick!
20 facts about women
1. Women like to flirt
2. Women secretely like to be whistled at
3. Women are careful, you wouldn't immediately notice that she likes you or not.
4. We adore compliments
5. Women hate it when you ignore them
6. Women find it nice when you trust them, and when you show it.
7. Women like to feel wanted
8. Women worry very quickly when it is about their 'lover'. This doens't necessarily mean she doesn't trust him. She's just scared to lose him
9. Just ask us our mobile number, I'm sure we will give it to you.
10. We love simple, small presents that show us that you love us.
11. Relationships are sacred. You should accept her friends
12. When a women says 'no', she means: 'no'.
13. Women are smarter than they actually are when they first meet you.
14. Women preferably don't take the first step.
15. When a women likes you, she only sees your positive sides.
16. Women like it when you flirt with them. Even when you've known them for years
17. When a women is shy, she likes you!
18. Women like phonecalls and texts. Even if they are farely short!
19. We are not trying to make you jealous. We just know a lot of people.
20. Women like to feel save and be protected, but by their men.
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Sunday, 10 May 2009
Real beauty is natural beauty
Recognise this situation?: You walk past a window shop and you just can't resist to take a peak at yourself, whether it is because you are admiring how good your hair looks today, or how good your muscles come out in that new t-shirt, or how long your legs look in those trousers, or even to just do a quick check to see if everything is still in place. Everyone does it, even if we don't want to admit it. Even I do it. Some people might take a short peak, others might take a long peak so that sometimes other people around you think you are obsessed with yourself. What kind of person are you? The long-peaker or the short-peaker?
I am one of the short-peakers, although it used to be different. I always have been one of the bigger kids, not only in length but also in width, until I reached the age of 11-12. While I had my growing pains my mother got a terminal illness. In combination of that I started to loose weight. I grew so my skin got tighter and there were no signs of fat because I kept loosing weight. People had different feelings about it, some thought it was because of the stress of my mothers death, other people thought it was amazing and that I looked absolutely stunning. I received compliments and I felt physically better even though I was mentally touched. At that point the only thing that was good about my life was being thin. I felt proud of myself and when I was riding my bike I couldn't help but look at myself in the window shops or other objects that worked as a mirror. There were so many things going on at the same time; I moved to my uncle and aunt, I went to a different school, I started a new live etc. Without noticing I went to far and I started to collapse at school because I didn't eat enough. The doctor told me to eat more sugar as I never told that I didn't had breakfast in the morning, I threw my food away during lunch and because I was so weak in the evening I just went straight to bed without diner. Because the only food I ate was sugar I kind of became addicted to it. I started eating other things again.
So here I am: absolutely loving my food, can't live a day without, preferably eating more than necessary, and chubby again. Too afraid to look at myself because I have more fat than I want myself to have. But I still look at myself, because I started loving something else, which I hated about myself when I was obsessed about not eating; my curls.
Not everyone is perfect, and you definitely shouldn't feel perfect. Perfection leads to perdiction. I used to straighten my hair because I hated my curls. When I moved to England I realised how much better natural beauty actually was; I was trying to be fake. You have to understand that I hate fakeness. The girls in my school put on loads of make-up because they are insecure about their skin, and because they think it looks better on them. It doesn't. And yet, I seldome leave my house without make-up on because I do think it is important. The thing is that I don't over-do it. After all; real beauty is natural beauty.
I am one of the short-peakers, although it used to be different. I always have been one of the bigger kids, not only in length but also in width, until I reached the age of 11-12. While I had my growing pains my mother got a terminal illness. In combination of that I started to loose weight. I grew so my skin got tighter and there were no signs of fat because I kept loosing weight. People had different feelings about it, some thought it was because of the stress of my mothers death, other people thought it was amazing and that I looked absolutely stunning. I received compliments and I felt physically better even though I was mentally touched. At that point the only thing that was good about my life was being thin. I felt proud of myself and when I was riding my bike I couldn't help but look at myself in the window shops or other objects that worked as a mirror. There were so many things going on at the same time; I moved to my uncle and aunt, I went to a different school, I started a new live etc. Without noticing I went to far and I started to collapse at school because I didn't eat enough. The doctor told me to eat more sugar as I never told that I didn't had breakfast in the morning, I threw my food away during lunch and because I was so weak in the evening I just went straight to bed without diner. Because the only food I ate was sugar I kind of became addicted to it. I started eating other things again.
So here I am: absolutely loving my food, can't live a day without, preferably eating more than necessary, and chubby again. Too afraid to look at myself because I have more fat than I want myself to have. But I still look at myself, because I started loving something else, which I hated about myself when I was obsessed about not eating; my curls.
Not everyone is perfect, and you definitely shouldn't feel perfect. Perfection leads to perdiction. I used to straighten my hair because I hated my curls. When I moved to England I realised how much better natural beauty actually was; I was trying to be fake. You have to understand that I hate fakeness. The girls in my school put on loads of make-up because they are insecure about their skin, and because they think it looks better on them. It doesn't. And yet, I seldome leave my house without make-up on because I do think it is important. The thing is that I don't over-do it. After all; real beauty is natural beauty.
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